I think my body is taking the piss! (NSFW)

Hey guess who’s arrived today?
My periods!

yeah! periods
Oh cool my periods! I am going to feel so fresh!

It’s only been the 12th time since I arrived on holiday 3 weeks ago!
OK, maybe not the 12th, but at least the second, and as they last for 8 consecutives  “bloody” days, it’s not as if I had a big break in between!

As you guessed, this post is going to be quite different from the “try to be a Pinterest mum” posts.

So! I need to know, is there like a quota that you are supposed to have during a year and as you skip 9 consecutive months being pregnant, you get a double ratio per months till your back on the correct numbers?

I sent an email to my husband to moan (yep, you are not the only person that needs to listen to me complaining) and his answered has been “fucking hell, it’s not gonna be cool if it happens every week!”
See, I am not the only one who thinks that’s all I am doing during my free time is bleeding more than a wounded animal!

bambi'smum
Maybe she only just had her first PPP?

It’s the perfect opportunity for me to talk to you about the great moment when they come back for the first time.

periods...

So! The first PPP “post partum periods”.

Well, first the inside of you has changed a lot! I gave birth the ” natural way” (meaning through my vagina, but still had an epidural, I am not the type that fancy pain that much) so obviously, my lovely baby has torn up all her way to the outside (“the light at the end of the tunnel is here, let’s rip off the whole on our way out! We’ll never come back anyway!”) Together with the help of the midwife’s crocodile scissors.

On top of that, all your organs has moved around and changed shapes during pregnancy, and as a consequence, when you start what happens to be period pains, you just don’t understand that it is period pains. The ache is not the same as the one you use to know, the intensity, the place…you don’t really recognise it!

On top of that, you are so busy being a mum that you intentionally ignore the pain.
Then comes the blood. So red that you think it’s fake. So liquid that you think that you cut yourself (probably a papercut!).
As I personally just had the stitches freshly removed and was just out of an episiotomy infection I did not want to put a tampon straight away up there, so my menstruations were free to flow!

Blood bloooood blood
Blood bloooood blood

Went for a shower, and that’s when I lived the scene of Hitchcock’s Psycho. Blood blood blood twirling into the syphon for long minutes, together with a strong iron smell (no wonder that bear can smell the menstruations!) .

So much blood that I had the time to take my phone and take a picture for my husband as I thought he would think I would be exaggerating! (No, I don’t have it anymore, I deleted the picture after showing him. Did not want to keep a picture of my naked leg in the middle of blood in the shower!).

Once I finally managed to get myself all clean, I went out of the shower, and start drying myself with a towel. And then, it was like Carrie discovering her new body in the shower.
Carrie Shower2I remembered watching this movie and thinking “who bleed so much that it runs between their thighs, well now I know : The postpartums!

shower
Oh yes, I’ll have another shower to clean myself from the previous one to keep that “just showered feeling”

The towel was ruined, and I ended up being such a mess, that I had to have another shower and organise my exit differently : ” Darling? Would you mind bringing me an Always pad, I think I am bleeding to death in here”

Anyway, I hope the situation is going to change, cause I kind of have other stuff to do during my day! (Did not see no Bleeding Mum on Pinterest anyway!)

Cordialement Bisous

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